My son is full of zeal. Occasionally, he will be so full of life that he can’t contain himself and runs around the house with what seems to be hair completely on fire, yelling and screaming, generally chasing his sister, amidst a barrage of questions or exclamations. Kelly and I are walking zombies at the moment with the new arrival of our fourth child, Christian, who seems to like sleep about as much as he enjoys getting his diaper changed. In fact, it seems as though he might have a vendetta of bitterness that needs to be released for most times he likes to pee on us with little to no warning. I chalk this up to his new environment in the outside world and it not holding a candle to the warmth of the womb.
Be that as it may, I can’t help but see the two realities of my son Noah, screaming and engaged in every little insect like you wouldn’t believe, contrasted with the saggy eyes of two parents barely making it through this stage, and laugh. I am laughing. Who knew (many people actually) that going from two to three children (with one in heaven) would be so much work?
I find myself at the moment struggling to get a quiet time in with the Lord, struggling to get anything down on paper, and struggling to figure out what the heck I am doing with my life. I can’t wake up early enough for Noah seems to beat me with his zest for the day each time I walk down the creaky old hallway, and I can’t seem to go to sleep late enough for my daughter loves to sing and read to herself like she’s giving an address at an old person’s home.
I’m not complaining, am I?
Still, amidst all of this, there is within me a quiet giant wanting to get down on paper all of my thoughts and learnings from Scripture and archaic writers who seem to yell at me through the centuries. Currently I’m reading several books. A Christian in Complete Armor by William Gurnall, The Zealous Christian by Christopher Love, The Greek Myths by Robert Graves, A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, and the Christian Faith by Michael Horton. But alas, do I really have time to read? Do I have time to sit and learn as if it were a luxury I could indulge myself in?
I took my children to Long Beach Aquarium today, and afterwards to the park to play some Frisbee. We sat and ate dinner together, gave them baths, and spent some time with Kelly. Back in the recesses of my mind, a lone voice speaks to me and says, “These are the Golden Years.” As I struggle with things, I can’t help but be blessed. Lord, you have given me life; you have given me these children to love and to cherish and to hold. You have given me Kelly; the most amazing woman I could ever hope to be a part of. Life is chaotic at the moment, but surely, You do not despise the small things and neither will I.
Sleep is not more important than loving my family. Cries are sweeter than loneliness. Tears mean I have a heart that pounds for You. Trials are a test of my faith that God has given me. Children are not taxing, but the sweetest aroma of Christ. Not having a job at the moment is not a curse, but an opportunity to praise You and see Your faithfulness. Lord, You have always been faithful.
What’s that I hear? Oh, I think Noah just woke up from the baby crying. Gotta go.
Thank you Lord for this wonderful season. As one man told me, these are indeed the golden years.